Dazed and Confused in Babies "R" Us

The baby is due March 19th, and yesterday I've received confirmation of what I feared all along.

I have no clue what the HELL I'm doing.

Erin and I registered for our upcoming Baby Shower yesterday. Half the stuff we're requesting I have no idea if we need or not.

If it was up to me, I just would've went down the aisles scanning stuff. A blind man might have done a better job than I did.

Thank God Erin was there. Erin had a good plan of going down the baby essential list that the store provided. But I have a feeling that when we end up with half the stuff we requested, a lot of it is going to end up in a big pile in the corner of the Baby's room.

Cause we won't know how to use any of it.

Even a thing like baby clothes was an ordeal. Apparently, according to the list, we needed Onesies. What the hell is a Onesies? I assume it's a one piece suit. But is it his underwear, or is it his clothes. See what I mean? I always joke with Erin that I want to dress the kid in sweats and a t-shirt till he's 12 years old. Roll the sweats up when he's small and just let the baby grow into a big pair of sweats. I don't think that's such a bad idea. Dressing a baby shouldn't be complicated. All they do is shit and piss themselves. What do they gotta look fashionable for anyways?

The first hour in the place we just looked around the store lost. There was a bunch of pads, blankets, hooded towels, humidifiers, breast pumps, waterproof, soil resistant things that looked important. We didn't know where to begin. The funny thing was that when we asked the worker's there how to use any of the stuff, they didn't really know either. We ran into other first time mother's, and they were as lost as we were. Everyone was walking around with a combined look of confusion and fear.

A look like "What the Hell did we get ourselves into?"

As far as our strategy for selecting items went, when we got to the big stuff, I usually just picked the most expensive, or best looking gadget. They had all these fancy swings and junk. It was all confusing, I do remember the Eddie Bauer brand. I picked a lot of Eddie Bauer stuff. For all we know it's crap, but hell I know the brand, I seen it in the mall, it's a camping store right? Anyways it looked sturdy and tough to me.

When we were looking at strollers we had the good fortune to run into an actual mommy. Erin smartly asked ,"What was it that we should be looking for when we pick a stroller?" She answered that we should get something light and easy to use.

Easy to use? I thought all you had to do was push the stroller. I guess nowadays it's hard to push. But apparently I'm wrong.

The mommy pointed out that we should pick one that stores easy, to put in and take out of a car. She pointed out that half the strollers in the market today are heavy, and take forever to unfold. At that exact moment, I was fidgeting with a Eddie Bauer stroller, when I realized that the huge monster stroller that I currently had in my possession was exactly what she was speaking about. To test her theory out, as she was talking to Erin, I tried to fold the stroller for storage, after about 10 minutes, I realized that I actually needed to have at least 4 years of engineering training, and a masters in physics to understand the complexities of the device.

Needless to say we went with the stroller she recommended.

Car Seats were another adventure. They had different sizes, shapes, weight regulations. When we looked for our little mommy friend she was nowhere to be found though. She disappeared into thin air, she was almost like a little stroller Angel sent by God to push us in the correct direction. But this time she was gone, there was no such luck with the Car Seats. No one to help us out.

So we went with the Eddie Bauer brand.

I guessing most of this junk is going to be unnecessary anyways. I have a friend who said that when she was a baby her parents put her to sleep in a dresser shelve.

Wow, why can't we go back to those days? I'd be willing to let the kid sleep in one of my dresser shelves. I could use the extra money to buy a new DVD player or download some songs.

Something tells me that Erin isn't going to let me do that though.

I admit I'm confused, but the truth is I'm also excited. I keep hearing from people that it's going to be difficult, a nightmare, I won't sleep anymore. That my life is never going to be the same. That kind of thing. It's actually getting a little annoying.

We know it's going to be difficult.

It's not like we're going to just give up the baby one day when it gets hard. As if, when the baby won't stop crying, I'm going to throw him out on the curb. That maybe one day I'll snap and I'm going to say:

"That's it, I give up!!! It was fun while it lasted but this parenting thing is too hard!"

I'm thinking we can't return the baby to the hospital....whether we have a receipt or not.

I'm just worried about doing a good job taking good care of the kid, and using the stuff we get right. I don't mind hard work.

I'm sure in time, I'll be an expert with all these devices, and things. I'll be like Inspector Gadget pulling crap out of my ass to make the baby stop crying. But for now I'm a novice, and I have no clue how to make this stuff work.

I just hope it will come with easy to read instructions......

Or else I'm just going to have to call this Eddie Bauer guy up myself.

The L word

I know there are going to be people out there who are questioning my motives for reviewing this show.

I can hear them laughing now.

I admit that the show caught my attention when I was channel surfing, and a provocative lesbian scene grabbed my attention. The show does feature provocative sexuality.....at times. But I found out pretty quickly that the show also has interesting, dramatic storylines, side splitting humor, and strong political statements weaved throughout the show.....

..... as well as sexy girl on girl action.

The L word takes a look into the lives of a small group of close friends in Los Angeles....mostly lesbian. The characters consist of a Lesbian couple raising a child, played by Jennifer Beals (Bette) and Laurel Holloman (Tina). Tina's sister, Kit, who is NOT a Lesbian played by Pam Grier. There's also a professional tennis player who's recently come out of the closet, named Dana, played by Erin Daniels. A journalist/KCRW radio dj who is bisexual named Alice, played by Leisha Hailey, (who happens to be the only real Lesbian on the show). Rounding out the cast are a hairdresser and sexually aggressive Lesbian heartbreaker named Shane, played by Katherine Moenning, and a struggling artist bisexual named Jenny, played by an impressive Mia Kirshner.

Among the many things the show has going for it is good writing, and great characters. I don't think I'm overstating by saying this cast must be the envy of all female actors working today. Simply put, it's the best material out there available for actresses. The characters are strong, emotional, sexy, articulate, witty and multi-dimensional. It's really something one doesn't see nowadays in entertainment. It was almost jarring for me to watch the show. I kept expecting the stereotypes, and one dimensional female characters to appear and instead I got fascinating and unpredictable. It's riveting to watch, I didn't know how much I've been craving female characters like this, but after watching a marathon of roughly over twenty episodes......that's right TWENTY!......the past week, I find myself wanting more.

To be honest, I can't wait till 10:00 P.M. next Sunday.

I can't stress how impressed I am with the writing. As a man who's written female roles in the past, I've always struggled with finding the true voices of the female characters. To be honest, the female characters I wrote always seemed like ideal visions of what a man would think was cool or cute to hear from a woman. I've never felt like I've found a female character's true voice. It's probably because that's the only kind of female character's that I've been exposed to in the media. Even a show like Sex and the City, which is groundbreaking in some ways, doesn't feel authentic to me. Almost like the characters were just channeling the voices of the Gay male writers who wrote for the show.

The L Word doesn't feel that way.

At least for me, the voices and characters feel real and authentic. They sound like the female friends I have. One second they say something smart, touching and sensitive, the next second, they say something silly, flawed, cruel, or uncool.

In other words real.

It's not surprising that the series has an impressive list of female guest stars who probably begged, and bribed their way onto the show. Off the top of my head Dana Delaney, Rosanna Arquette, Kelly Lynch, Anne Archer, and Margot Kidder come to mind.

What IS very surprising about the show is how the male characters aren't objects of ridicule. Which would be what people might expect with a show like this. For example, in the first season the character of Jenny (Mia Kirshner) is in a love triangle between an exotic, sophisticated woman played by Karina Lombard and Jenny's male fiance, Tim, played by Eric Maibus. Under the typical Hollywood formula, the male character of Tim would be ignorant, neglecting, and chauvinistic. But the show goes the other way with it. Tim is incredibly loving, caring, and thoughtful. There's no reason for Jenny to leave Tim, but as in life, things are not always that simple.

The show is also politically articulate, and thought provoking. A lot of energy is spent on the struggle with the current political climate of Right Wing political leadership. Lots of that type of drama surrounds the character played by Jennifer Beals. She's a Yale educated Art Curator, with an ultra conservative father (who was played by the late Ossie Davis in his final role). Her character is constantly struggling with increasing censorship and religious backlash. She also happens to be half African American. So her character is working on four different political levels, she's a artistic loving lesbian, who's also half-African American, is an adoptive mother to a half black son, and an intelligent vocal, articulate, female, liberal democrat.

Where else is one going to find a character like that?

The real revelation of the show though is Mia Kirshner. She's outstanding on the show. She's heartbreaking and powerfully tragic. I can't believe that her work is not garnering more attention. I've enjoyed her work in the past with movies like Exotica and Love, and Human Remains. But she really shines here. Besides the love triangle I mentioned earlier, her character deals with sexual confusion, childhood rape, relationship betrayals, and self mutilation....she's also a struggling performance artist and writer.

Like I said.....fascinating characters.

I can go down the line and describe each character, and one will find them all to be grounded, fascinating and fully fleshed out. It's exciting to discover really, cause there really isn't anything on now or hasn't been anything like it on t.v. I think the show is important, and yet entertaining.

I'm hoping my description of the show doesn't make it sound pretentious or soap opera like cause it really isn't. The show is sensitive, realistic and often times humorous. It's really well done, a nice balance.

I guess if there's a weakness in the show, it's that the main characters are all mainstream society's ideal visions of lesbians. They are attractive, fashionable, feminine, educated and smart. The so-called masculine or "butch" lesbians weren't represented fully in the show. However, Kelly Lynch did have a 4 episode arch in the first season, where she played a masculine lesbian character named Ivan who had feelings for the straight Kit. This season they've addressed that issue by introducing Moira, who is a lesbian with masculine traits, as a major character, who is dating the frail Jenny. Once again the show is showing sensitivity by illustrating Moira's awkwardness around Jenny's feminine lesbian friends.

The real question is why isn't there more characters like this on television and in movies? It's unfortunate that a mediocre show like Desperate Housewives is garnering more attention. To be honest there is a lot more interesting, and dramatically impressive work being done on the L word. I'm guessing that the homosexual nature might turn people off, which is unfortunate, not to mention silly, cause people are missing good stuff. But I also think that the show isn't reaching enough audiences because of SHOWTIME'S smaller subscription base.

In any case, I'm just glad that this show is around to help fill the void of a lack of female voices.

I'm hoping more people will notice the fine work being done on the show, and it'll start a larger trend. The first two seasons are available now on DVD. The third season is currently airing on Sunday's at 10:00 P.M. As one can probably guess by now, I highly recommend it.

Thumbsucker

Growing up is hard.....seriously.

That's pretty much the message in Mike Mills solid directorial debut.

Thumbsucker is the coming of age story of Justin Cobb. He's a boy who seems to be a normal teenager, complete with parents who love him but can't relate, a crush on a girl who SEEMS like she's interested....or maybe not, a teacher who's demanding and yet sympathetic, and a orthodontist who's a wanna be new age guru. He's a pretty normal kid except for one slightly quirky nervous trait......in times of stress he likes to suck on his thumb.

What's great about Mike Mills' movie is that the character's are all solidly written, and realistically portrayed. It's a refreshing change of pace from the stock character's we often see in these coming of age movies. The parents , played by Tilda Swinton and Vincent D'Onofrio in solid, grounded performances, are aloof, yet they are also very sympathetic. The truth is they care, but in REALITY they have no idea what they are doing. The refreshing thing is they are the first to admit they aren't perfect, and are just doing their best to raise children. The teacher, played by a solid Vince Vaughn, is awkwardly affable. He's the kind of teacher that's cool in a friend sort of way, but at the same time not totally irresponsible, and quick to discipline when things get out of hand.

Sort of like real life.

The whole movie is like that. It feels authentic and sensitive, not exploitive or cheesy. The problem is that in the current entertainment market the movie is not quirky enough to be memorably hilarious, or moving enough to be interestingly dramatic. As my friend Lons remarked to me the other day, it feels like a network television drama pilot. If the movie was made in the 80's, in the midst of the John Hughes era, I'm sure it would have been a quirky hit that would have offset nicely from the Pretty in Pink type movies of the day. But in the age of Napoleon Dynamite, Rushmore, and the t.v. cult hit Freaks and Geeks, the movie becomes unfortunately forgettable.

Not that there aren't memorable performances in the movie. Keanu Reeves gets some good laughs as the Orthodontist who can also hypnotize, Kelli Garner is solid, as an elusive girl that Justin has a crush on, and Lou Taylor Pucci anchors the film nicely in a demanding role, he even received merit at last year's Sundance film Festival.

The movie is a solid although unremarkable film....which means it's better than 75% percent of the Hollywood movies out there today.

It's now available on DVD.

Munich

Munich is one of the best, most fascinating, and exciting movies of 2005.

Unfortunately it's also been one of the most controversial movies of the year. Mostly because some audiences seem to interpret the film as a story that paints the Israeli assassin team in a negative light, while at the same time humanizing terrorists. But I'm not sure that's the true intention of the movie. I believe the movie's intention is to be a thoughtful meditation on how violence ultimately begets more violence, but what makes the movie so unique, and impressive is that it also works as an outstanding suspense thriller.

Munich recounts the events, and aftermath of September, 1972 when during the Olympic games 11 Israeli athletes are taken hostage, and brutally murdered by a Palestine terrorist group called Black September. As a result of the murders, Golda Meir and the Israeli government assemble an elite squad to assassinate those responsible for organizing the terrorist attack.

Among the many things the movie has going for it is the production design of the film. It's simply incredible, outstanding really, almost like we were viewing historical footage. The costumes, set, and historical detail are all perfect. Janusz Kaminski's Cinematography is stunning to behold, and the acting is all top notch , and superb, especially Eric Bana as the squad leader, and Ciran Hinds as the mission scene cleaner. Each character is grounded, touching, and effective.

But the real star of the movie is Steven Spielberg. It's a virtuoso accomplishment, the direction is almost impressive beyond words. It's thrilling, suspense filled, touching, and poignant. He blends two different genres, a morality drama and suspense thriller, masterfully. The action sequences in particular are unbelievable. The moments are remarkably well choreographed, and cinematically realized. The assassinations themselves are suspense filled, thrilling, well executed, and visually mesmerizing. At one point in the movie Spielberg even shifts into paranoia mode, and the film is taken to yet another incredible level. It's obvious that Spielberg is using all of his cinematic skills to the best of his ability, and the effect is outstanding. The movie leaves little doubt he is one of the top 3 directors working today....maybe even ever. My buddy Lons over at Crushed by Inertia has a well written Munich review on his site, which I pretty much agree with, and he articulates much better than I could the positives of the film.

If there's any weakness in the film though, and I'm really nitpicking, it would be with the writing. Not that the script isn't polished, tight, clear and articulate, but at least for me I could hear two distinct voices telling the story, mind you they are two outstanding voices in Tony Kushner and Eric Roth. But it's still two voices, and I'm not sure that's a good thing. In a sense I could see the seams of how the movie was put together. I could see where a polish was made to give the movie more heart, more moral meditation. Under normal circumstances I probably wouldn't even have noticed those seams, but after viewing this film on the heels of two outstanding written films with distinct singular voices, Match Point and New World, the weaknesses in this script to me seemed to stick out more than usual.

The movie, to me at least, suffers slightly by having awkward placed plot devices throughtout the film. The most blatant being in a scene between Avner and an intelligent, thoughtful Palestine sympathizer in a stairwell, outside a safe house. It's a well written scene probably written by Kushner, because the moment almost feels like a theatrical one act play. In the scene they debate each side's political position over who has right to the land, and who is right in their cause. It's a well written, thoughtful scene with strong arguments on both sides, but for me, the moment feels fabricated, and theatrical for the benefit of the audience, rather than serving the story. It doesn't feel genuine to me, that at that moment in time these two people would have this debate. Any reasonably intelligent middle east citizens in that situation, wouldn't feel the need to debate their beliefs. I'm sure they would both be well aware of the oppositions argument. There's also no benefit to the argument. It serves no cinematic purpose in the story other than to create sympathy for both parties.

In terms of plot development, I believe that the film would have also benefited greatly from more meditation by the characters on the consequences of their potential actions BEFORE they accept the actual mission. I think a lot of the criticism that the film is receiving now would have been muted by some well thought out scenes of pause and consideration. To me the characters needed to have some meaningful discussions, and explorations of the potential ramifications of the actions that they were about to embark on.

Some of the scenes which take place later on in the movie could have even been re-located to earlier in the script. Most notably a well written powerful scene between Avner (Bana) and Robert (a very strong Mathieu Kassovitz), when Robert questions the righteousness of their mission. He eloquently states that the point of the Jewish religion is that they try to live their life to a higher standard. That just because evil is done to them, doesn't give them the right to perform evil. He grieves for his soul in that moment. It's an excellent argument, and if that discussion had happened BEFORE they take the mission it would have painted the Israeli team in a more positive, and for me a more realistic, intelligent light.

By putting the scene at a moment in the film when things begin to go bad for the team, gives the characters almost a feel of uncharacteristic panic, weakness, and to me a lack of intelligence . It doesn't ring true that these strong, smart, characters would be so short sighted about the sacrifices they are making by taking the mission. It's not believable that the characters didn't think of the potential consequences before they took the mission. Did they really believe there would be no casualties? Did they really think that it was going to be easy? That the morality of their actions wouldn't be tested? Again, to me it feels like a poorly placed plot device to add suspense, and give the protagonists of the film second thoughts about their mission. I believe a lot of the defenders of that plot point will try to argue that the team was swept up in a feeling of nationalism, and religious fervor in the first act. But the script honestly doesn't support that argument.

If anything Eric Bana's character in the beginning is clear headed and calculating. Which is another point for me, it takes away from the character by making him so. That he would leave his loving wife, and unborn child so readily doesn't ring true for me. It's possible that it could be a cultural difference, but the script doesn't make that clear. As a result, for me it feels like another poorly placed plot device to illustrate the sacrifice he makes for his country.

It's a seam in the script.

In reality, I don't even think any reasonable government would bother asking a family man to undertake such a sacrifice. They'd just as easy ask a single man with no dependents, no bonds to hold him back, to undertake the mission. No messy ties for the government to clean up or explain to a grieving wife and child. Especially with so little to gain by having a family man undertake the mission. It would just complicate matters by having a married father being point man for this team. Which is illustrated awkwardly when he "sneaks" back home to attend the birth of his child. The opening scenes of the movie even makes light of how Bana's character gives up his insurance, and death benefits. But how could an intelligent, and reasonable father make such a big sacrifice so lightly, when his family depends so heavily on him? Again, it feels like a poorly placed plot device to illustrate the character's personal sacrifice. The payoff happening when Avner listens to his child's voice on the phone for the first time. It's a heartbreaking moment, but it doesn't ring true. It actually becomes hard to sympathize with him when we saw him earlier in the film leave his family so readily by choice, with very little coaxing.

The script also has a heavy handed moment at the end of the film, when a tragic flashback is happening during a love making sequence. The metaphor is obviously love and hate. But it feels over done. A little over dramatic. I think the same effect could have been made much simplier and more subtle, maybe while the character is watching his child play or observing his wife and child together. Let me just note that Spielberg DOES do a great job with the moment. The artistry is captivating and well done. It just feels a little heavy handed and over the top.

Again, I don't want to give the impression that I disliked the movie. It's only because everything else about the movie is SO fantastic, incredible really, that I even notice these minor shortcomings in the film's script.

It's a shame that the controversy is putting a cloud over the film, it's really unwarranted. The film actually has the same message as Saving Private Ryan, another film by Spielberg which wasn't deemed controversial. It's a movie about self sacrifice, about human nature when faced with lethal danger, about the depravity man will go to in war. It's absurd to think that the film supports or condones terrorism, and the people who perform it. It's a call for non-violence. It's simply saying that violence will snowball out of control if not attended to with cooler, peace seeking leadership, instead of vengence seeking hot heads. It's a powerful film with a strong message.

That message is more relavant now than ever.

The Girl Next Door - The Stacy Valentine Story

What happens when the best, and most confident thing one does in their life is have sex?

If the person is Stacy Valentine she becomes one of the most famous porn stars ever.

This documentary chronicles the rise of her porn stardom.

It's a humanizing look into the world of pornography from the point of view of one of it's most admired former stars. Because of the popularity of pornography, there's been an increase of documentaries on the subject. HBO has had critical, and commercial success with their special Thinking XXX, and their mini series Pornocopia: Going down in the Valley. SHOWTIME, in the meantime, has been successfully airing their comedic reality show Family Business for several years now.....and counting. What's interesting about this new batch of documentaries is that they all seem to feature positive, even humor filled aspects of the business. It would seem that nowadays porn stars are respected, and admired for their abilities as much as some of our most famous athletes. The fact is that pornography is more mainstream than ever, and it's incredibly lucrative, and profitable, especially for the top tier female performers. There was even a romantic comedy recently starring Elisha Cuthbert as a porn star. Ironically, the movie had the same title as this film.

This documentary doesn't make any judgments on the business, but looking into Stacy Valentine's eyes one can easily see that there is a huge price to pay for porn stardom.

The most intriguing aspect of the movie is witnessing Stacy Valentine doing, and saying all the right things about her job, but because of her affable and simple nature, one can tell she doesn't REALLY believe what she's saying. One also notices pretty early on that unlike some of her other fellow porn stars, like Jenna Jameson or Seymore Butts for example, she doesn't have the business savvy, personal drive, and intelligence to deal with the difficulties of being a porn star. She depends too much on her heart, which is something she needs to turn off to be mega-successful in such an unforgiving business.

The movie begins with her background, and up bringing in Oklahoma. She's born Stacy Baker, and has a seemingly normal childhood. But soon the viewer finds that her father was mentally, and possibly physically abusive. During the film, Stacy claims that she was never sexually molested, and that the abuse she went through had nothing to do with the fact she pursued porn. Strangely enough, she gets into the business when her then-husband encourages her to send photos to Hustler magazine. Upon winning an amateur contest, and enjoying a x-rated photo shoot she soon realizes that she wants to leave her husband, and join the adult business.

What follows is a unnerving look into the world of being a porno star. There's some revealing footage of her personal life with male porn star Julian, and the difficulties of dating within the business. There is also some interesting moments on the set like her first movie shoot, and even a humorous moment when she becomes violently allergic to the fog machines on a porn set. In several scenes she awkwardly interacts with fans, and we also attend an adult movie award show.The most startling footage in the movie, however,is her preparing for, and the actual filming of the plastic surgery performed on her body. In a poignant moment in the film, she remarks how sometimes she doesn't even recognize herself in the mirror, and she worries about what kind of psychological affect that will have on her.

But the most compelling moment in the entire film is when she tries to justify when she prostitutes herself to a wealthy Frenchman during Cannes. She remarks how she feels bad for cheating on her boyfriend, and that because she doesn't sleep around off set, that it's okay for her to sell her body for cash. But in reality that's the least of her worries, when the camera looks into her eyes as she speaks, it reveals how she probably feels embarrassed, and used. It's an interesting foreshadow of the end of her porn career. After returning from her "date" she playfully throws the seemingly meager amount of money up in the air, and rolls around it on her bed, but there doesn't seem to be any joy in her actions. In her heart she knows it looks, and feels cheap , even though after closer inspection it reveals that the bills are hundreds, and there is probably several thousand dollars on that bed.

It's a well done moment, in a film filled with painfully awkward moments. Perhaps it's because Christine Fugate, the director of the film is a woman, it seems throughout the entire film Stacy feels threatened by her unobjective eye. Lots of the movie is about half hearted justifying, even when Fugate doesn't ask or demand that from her.

Just when one thinks it can't get any lower for Stacy, rock bottom hits when Julian, her boyfriend, performs in a threesome scene with Stacy. At first they seem excited about the scene, and the opportunity to work with each other. But when the moment of the scene arrives, Julian is struck impotent by the sight of his girlfriend having sex with another male performer. It's a painful moment as we hear the sounds of seemingly pleasurable sex, and the camera focuses in on a crushed and hurt Julian inches away watching her girlfriend having sex. Two weeks later he breaks up with her, leaving her in tears. It paints a sad, and painful portrait of being a porn star. Which is probably the reason, in the year 2000, Stacy eventually quits performing in the business entirely.

It's a fascinating documentary, and a good offset to all the positive documentaries about porn out there.

The movie is available now on DVD.

The Aristocrats

A man walks into a small Talent agent's office. He tells the agent he's just seen the most amazing act, and that he should sign this family to a contract.

The Talent Agent asks "What's the Act ?"...



So begins the premise of the joke affectionately called The Aristocrats.
It also happens to be the basis for the entire movie directed by Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette.

One would think that it would be impossible to base an entire movie around this one joke, but it's pulled off with humorous results.

The movie is more about the brotherhood of all comedians. How they all ultimately share the same sick, and twisted sense of humor. The joke happens to be one that has many variations, depending on who tells the joke. Most of the time the joke is sexual in nature, and usually involves....

A. Feces
B. Incest
C. Every sick and twisted idea anyone can come up with.

The punch-line of the joke is that the family "calls" the act The Aristocrats.

According to the movie the joke had vaudeville roots, and was later used as a traditional party game for comedians, most famously they played the game at Chevy Chase's house during the early Saturday Night Live days.

What's fun about the movie is not only seeing the different variations of the story, but how the joke seems to take on the personality of the comedian.

For instance George Carlin's version is appropriately disgusting and foul, while Penn & Teller incorporates a magic trick into the joke, there's even a mime that acts out the entire joke.

In essence the joke is a workshop for a comedian's writing, and improv skills.



The joke even takes on emotional weight when a famous instance of a telling of the joke is recalled. The joke is performed by Gilbert Gottfried, pictured above. What's unique about the event is that it was told at a roast for Hugh Hefner.......shortly after the events of 9/11. The evening was going badly, when Gottfried decided to use the joke. What makes it remarkable is that he was telling the joke to a room full of comedians.......who already knew the punch-line. But because of the timing, and the need for people to laugh during that tough period of time, the joke became a rallying cry. He ended up leaving the entire room in stitches.

The movie is an interesting documentary about comedians and what makes them tick. What's fascinating about the film is that through the one joke, the viewer gets a peek into the working process of some of our most famous entertainers. There's bits by Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Howie Mandel, Jackie "the joke man", surprisingly Bob Saget tells a funny version of the story. There is some genuine good laughs in the film, sometimes not even involving the joke. I'm sure some viewers will get tired of hearing the centerpiece joke, but it's interesting to see how comedians bond around the piece.

The film is also only 89 minutes so it's a fun, little, quick, flick to throw on for a cheap laugh. If that's not enough the DVD has a bunch of extra footage of the performers telling the joke with their insights.

If one wants to get an idea of what it's like to be in the head of some of our most famous comedians this is a good place to start.

The movie arrives on DVD January 24th.

A New World -Director's shorter cut

Terrence Malick's movies are an acquired taste.

By no means is he a conventional storyteller. When people are asked to describe his style the word "Art" always seems to come into the conversation.

It's hard to avoid that word when considering his work, because there's no doubt while watching his films, the images he captures are often times breathlessly beautiful. He depends heavily on imagery, and visuals rather than dialogue to tell most of his stories. Often times audiences are left trying to interpret emotional, inspiring images rather than a clear storyline. To make things even more confusing his characters tend to use poetic voice-over's to articulate the feelings that they themselves are trying to work out, and can't express. Needless to say this can be very frustrating for people who want clear and conventional storylines.

I think often times audiences dismiss his work as pretentious, and overly symbolic. And in all honesty I can see a case being made for that argument. But I don't think Malick's work are those things.

I think more than any other director working today he is TRYING to create art when he makes a film.

He's not content with just telling a story. He wants to make people feel, and think, and respond in a way that's similar to when one looks at a provocative painting in a museum. His movies aren't made for people who want to eat popcorn, and have their sour patch kids, while forgetting about their lives for a few hours during a film. Which are what most films are. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But that's just not Terrence Malick's style.

It's just a different way of using films as an art form. Which is why he is so admired, and respected in the industry, and also dismissed by some audiences who just want a fun movie.

The story of A New World is the story of the first colony in Virginia. It tells the story of John Smith and the daughter of the Chief of the Indian tribe, Pocahontas, living in newly settled America. The story explores the rivalry/reliance of the the two cultures clashing on American soil for the first time.

To describe this film one need only say that it's uniquely Malick.

To me that's a good thing.

I found the film incredibly cinematic, and artistic in a way no other film has been this year. Clearly one of the top 5 movies of the year.

It's romantic, moving, beautiful to behold, and mesmerizing to watch. I found the Cinematography incredible....simply remarkable, and the musical score inspiring. The story was interesting, and touching, and I found the acting solid and moving.

Especially impressive is Q'Orianka Kilcher in the title role, who runs through a wide variety of emotions, and experiences in a demanding role, and she delivers a moving, remarkable performance, even more impressive when one considers she was 14 years old when they started filming. Collin Farrell bounces back nicely from his shaky work in Alexander and Christian Bale turns in his usual grounded, impressive, always interesting work to round out the cast.

The romantic nature of the movie was especially well executed. It's tricky stuff considering that Bale and Farrell are at least a decade older than Kilcher. But Malick does an impressive job of eliminating a lot of the sexual tension, and making the relationships more about true love, and romance. The idea of connecting on a spirtual level rather than a lustful one.

The opening sequence in particular is mesmerizing, the combination of images, music, sweeping shots, close ups. It's a brillant use of all the cinematic elements.

The action pieces in the film are also well executed. He puts the audience right in the middle of the action. Often times we are seeing the perspective of the different characters in real time. It's really stunning to witness.

I admit the film does, however, feel a little long in some places, but if one trusts Malick, it's worth the ride.

I think if one is looking for an artistically inspiring night out at the movies. This film will fulfill that need....and more.

MATCH POINT

The film Match Point is a movie of many layers.

On one level it's a movie about a man climbing the ladder of success.....about overcoming obstacles. On another level the movie is a touching love story. On yet ANOTHER level it's a story of betrayal.....and infidelity. It's also a movie about choices....wrong and right.....the nature and unpredictability of luck. The movie is also a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.....a movie about regret. It's also a movie about living with the consequences of one's action......about morality and guilt.

Whatever people take out of the film one thing is certain.....

This is a great movie.

Johnathon Rhys-Meyers plays Chris, a former tennis pro who uses his passive aggressive nature to work his way into a relationship with Chloe Wilton a lady from a prestigious British family. Problems arise when Chris starts having feelings for Scarlett Johansson...who happens to be engaged to Chloe's brother.

A lot of critics are calling this movie a return to form for Woody Allen. But I get the sense that the movie is more of a change of pace for Woody Allen. A welcome chance to spread his wings. Perhaps it's because the movie is not a comedy, or that the film features a young cast, but most of all, the movie feels different than any other Woody Allen film because it doesn't feature his most consistent and prevalent character in all of his movies......the city of New York.
Match Point is filmed entirely in London and features, with the exception of Scarlett Johansson, an entirely British cast.

That's not to say that this isn't a Woody Allen film.

I was surprised to find how much humor the movie has. It's not however, sitcom, punchline, humor. A lot of it is ironic, circumstantial, and dark, but it's still humor. To call the movie a straight drama or thriller would be doing the movie a disservice. Like I mentioned earlier the film has many layers.

The movie also features many of Woody Allen's trademarks. There's examinations of morality, overlapping, natural, dialogue, there's character observing close-ups, observations of class structure and sexual infidelity....even moments of the surreal when a character speaks to the dead.

The movie features solid performances from the entire cast. Especially Johnathon Rhys-Meyers in the central role. Emily Mortimer also turns in a impressive job in a thankless role as the nieve, sweet, well meaning wife of Chris. Brian Cox is also strong as the aloof father. The flashiest role is played by Scarlett Johansson and she delivers nicely.

But what's really on display is Woody Allen's amazing writing.

What makes the movie so impressive is that it's presented in such a thought provoking, simple manner.

It's a real testament to Woody Allen's brilliance as a writer. The script is tight, multi-dimensional, well paced and powerful.

The script should be featured in screen writing classes for future generations on how to write a well made movie.

Not that Woody Allen's direction is any less impressive. Allen uses Opera music throughout the film with powerful results. There's also amazing images and well executed moments of suspense and action. One of the most haunting moments in the movie, however, is the opening image of a tennis ball bouncing off the top of the net. Later on in the movie the image is hearkened back to with brilliant results. The idea is that in life there are moments of luck when events can push a person forward, or pushed back in life.

It's a powerful, ironic image, and can even be applied to Woody Allen himself, as he sort of took a risk with this movie. Audiences are hoping that this movie pushes Woody Allen forward to bigger and better things. However, it's hard to imagine how much better Woody Allen can get.

This movie is the pinnacle of his creative genius. A triumph on all accounts.

Make sure not to miss it.

Meeting Werner Herzog

So I met Werner Herzog today.

No big deal...... just probably one of the 50 greatest directors of all time......actually #35 according to Entertainment Weekly........no biggie.

Yeah Right.

He was over at the Barnes and Noble at the Grove doing a signing to promote his movie Grizzly Man . It happened completely by chance though, we were at the Grove celebrating my wife's Birthday, we put a reservation in at the cheesecake Factory and decided to stretch our legs a bit. As we walked by I saw a little sign in the store promoting the event, at first I didn't pay it any mind because I figured, with my luck, it wasn't going to be for today, and this was my last day off this week. Erin saw the look of disappointment on my face and asked what was wrong. I informed her that Herzog was going to do a signing here and that I'd probably miss it. She looked at the sign and informed me that it was actually for today. I still didn't get too excited cause I figured the thing starts in 15 minutes and there's probably a huge line. I went up to take a look and I was shocked to find a line of about 30 people.

30 friggin people for Werner Herzog!!!

I almost leaped down to the first floor wanting to buy a copy of Grizzly Man. A part of me was bummed cause if I'd known about the event I would have loved to have him sign my copy of Nosferatu. When I got to the register I saw they had a copy of Fitzcarraldo next to the pile of Grizzly Man dvd's. I asked them if he was only going to sign Grizzly Man and they informed me that he would sign anything.

As much as I liked Grizzly Man, there was no WAY I was going to pass up the opportunity for him to sign Fitzcarraldo.

I forked over the 34 dollars it cost to purchase the DVD. I knew the store was ripping me off but hell, I got caught up in the moment.

My wife, God bless her, was all excited for me. She knew I was a big fan of Herzog. We actually spent a whole day in bed once watching a festival of his movies playing on IFC. They showed My Best Fiend, Fitzcarraldo, and both versions of Nosferatu. For months I would tease her, playfully nibbling on her neck proclaiming "I'm Nosferatu."

Let me just mention, I'm not really an autograph hound. I would never ask for an actor's autograph. But getting a director to sign a dvd is like getting an author to sign a book. I think it's pretty cool when you have a chance.

When I was in line I noticed he was having long conversations with people up there.

Long conversations... seriously about 5 minutes for some.

I'm usually pretty embarrassed when I ask people to sign stuff. I'm usually not really prepared to have a whole conversation with the person. I'd almost prefer that they sign in silence. I mean I've seen My Best Fiend and Burden of Dreams. I've listened to the commentary on Nosferatu. The guy isn't shy about the way he works when asked, there's not too much I don't know regarding his process.

I didn't want to appear like an autograph hound, and say nothing, at the same time, the line had started to grow behind me, and I didn't want to put him in an awkward position of carrying a long conversation.

So I figured I'd mention his movie Rescue Dawn , which is a movie trailer I featured in my last post.

Here's our conversation word for word......from what I can remember.

He gives me a big smile as I walk up, extending his hand.

Ray: Nice to meet you sir. It's a real honor.

W. H. (with his accent) Thank you. Nice to meet you too. (While shaking my hand.) What do you have for me? (He sees the DVD cover.) Ahh Fitzcarraldo.

Ray: Yes, great movie, one of my favorites.

(He examines the cover.)

Ray: I'm really looking forward to Rescue Dawn.

(He gives me a genuine look of surprise.)

W.H. Yes I've just started to edit it.....today actually. I had a little trouble...not enough money...the finances weren't all there...so I had to wait. But it's fine now. I'm really excited though. It's going to be really intense. Really, really intense.

Ray: Wow, I look forward to seeing it. I was wondering....were you worried about Christian losing all that weight again.

W.H. He didn't lose that much weight. (Completely straight)

Ray: Really?

W.H. Only 55 pounds.

(I laugh.)

W.H. Actually I....... lost 30 pounds during the movie.

Ray: REALLY? Wow.

W.H. Yeah I figured it would look wrong if I made the actors starve themselves, and I didn't look bad too.

(I laughed again. As he signed my Dvd cover)

Ray: Thank you

W.H. Thank YOU very much. Nice to meet you.

He signed my dvd cover.

To Ray,

Best Wishes

Werner Herzog

Really nice guy. I'm so happy to have met him. He was so friendly to everyone too. Allowed people to take pictures, he signed everything people brought.

It was a lot of fun, I feel really lucky to have met him.

Movie Trailers

I thought for a change of pace from DVD reviews, in this post I'd share some upcoming Movie trailers, and give you my thoughts on them.

Flight 93

Now if you haven't heard about this film it's a movie based on the plane that crashed in the open field on 9/11. The movie's script will be based on the transcripts of the phone calls made to love ones before the plane crashed, also a lot of the movie will be improvisational. It's being directed by Paul Greengrass, who directed The Bourne Supremacy.

My gut feeling about this movie is that it's waaaaayyy too soon for a movie like this. I'm not exactly sure what the point is. I assume it has the blessings of the surviving family members. But I still don't think it's appropriate, it feels like a blatant attempt by the studio to cash in on the tragedy. It's sure to be powerful stuff, but I don't think there is going to be any new light shed on the incident. The idea that it's improvisational worries me also, I guess it makes sense in that we don't know exactly what happened up there. But will future generations look at the film as a historical reference to the events? It's tricky, tricky stuff. I'm just not sure this movie had to be made, when the memory of the event is still so fresh in our minds. I'm also sure the movie is going to be pushed for Awards consideration, which can be very distasteful. What if the movie is terrible? That's just going to make EVERYONE involved look bad. There's a lot of ways this whole idea could go bad and I honestly don't know how it can turn out good.

Clerks 2

I'm a fan of Kevin Smith's work. If one knows me well enough they know that I'm a sucker for toilet humor. Which I'm pretty sure this movie will have plenty of, so I'm excited. I know there's some criticism about him going back to the View Askew universe when he said that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back was going to be the last one with those characters. But the reality is that this material is what he does best, he's really just writing about what he knows. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. He's the first to admit that he's not William Shakespeare. I thought it was odd in the first place that he'd limit himself by closing the book on that universe. Would I like to see him do different work? Sure! I'd like to see him do a comic book movie or another Chasing Amy type drama. But I'm guessing that at this time, he's probably comfortable with who he is. I don't think he feels the need to stretch himself. I think he knows he has a talent for good, witty, dialogue, and he has a built in audience who appreciates him for what he does. More power to the guy.


Miami Vice

I'm looking forward to this one!!! I'm not a huge Colin Farrell or Jamie Foxx fan but I just think this movie is going to be awesome. For one it's a cool idea, if there's a t.v. show that deserves a remake it's this one. The show was cool, action packed, and funny. The fact that it's being directed by Michael Mann, one of my favorite directors, who also happens to be the creator of the original show insures that it's going to be a can't miss hit. I'm going to have to dig in my closet and bust out my white blazer and orange t-shirt for this movie.

The Fountain

This trailer looks pretty cool. It's directed by Darren Aronofsky of Requiem for a Dream fame. The movie was originally supposed to star Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett. But I guess Pitt had some creative differences and he left the project which shut the film down, leaving a bunch of people without jobs. Which obviously pissed a lot of people off. Now it stars Hugh Jackman and one of my favorite leading ladies Rachel Weisz. It also has a smaller budget, but I can't tell judging from the trailer, it looks amazing.

Inside Man

I had a dream about this movie. Which probably means I really want to see it. In my dream I was trying to figure out the twist in the movie. I don't remember what I came up with in the dream, but I remember being blown away by it. The real movie is directed by Spike Lee, it has a great cast. It has Denzel Washington, Wilem Dafoe, Clive Owen, Jody Foster. I heard buzz that the script was amazing, which is probably why I dreamt about it.

Rescue Dawn

I love Werner Herzog. I think Christian Bale is doing amazing work right now. I think he's legitimately one of, if not the Best actor out there right now. He chooses his work carefully, he works with great directors and he's always good....always, even when the movie isn't. I'm hoping that Bale and Chris Nolan become the next Scorsese and Dicaprio. Watching this trailer I cringe thinking about what he's done to his body going from bone skinny to bulked up and back to bone skinny again. Gotta love the guy's commitment and respect for the art.

Superman Returns

I almost cried when I saw this trailer. Not because it was great or that I'm really looking forward to this movie. I got misty eyed because it was the first time that I REALLY realized Brando was gone. For whatever reason hearing his voice made me miss him. I think the trailer is done really well too. The classic Superman music, teaser images without giving away too much of the plot. the religious imagery is touching, but the kicker is Brando's voiceover. I know he had not done good work in a long time, but there was always that hope....that chance that he might do one last great performance.

The Constant Gardener

This just in..... Pharmaceutical companies are greedy.

I know that statement isn't exactly newsworthy. But this movie would have one believe that it's the most profound, and groundbreaking conspiracy that mankind has ever uncovered.

Fernando Merirelles follows up his amazing City of God in this solidly directed and acted film based on a novel by John Le Carre, unfortunately the work is burdened by a mediocre script and story.

Justin Quayle (Ralph Fiennes) finds out that his newly married wife (Rachel Weisz) has been murdered while practicing medicine in Kenya. While re-living their short lived marriage he puts clues together to try and uncover the reason for her murder. He soon realizes that the reasons for her death are bigger than he could ever imagine.

The movie is a change of pace for Ralph Fiennes who's lately been playing serial killers, lunatics, and most recently the evil Voldemort in the last Harry Potter movie. It's a refreshing change of pace as he plays a mild mannered British diplomat who's swept off his feet by the enchanting Rachel Weisz. The strongest elements of the movie involve his touching memories of his wife. Merrielles creates a moving and tragic atmosphere for the love story. Weisz and Fiennes do a nice job creating a believable, charming, chemistry. Danny Huston and Bill Nighy also turn in creepy supporting performances. Unfortunately, for me the movie begins to fall apart when the movie shifts into a mystery thriller.

The movie was sold as a global thriller, and the connotation is that there is this incredibly vast, and intricate conspiracy that has to be uncovered. But the movie is actually pretty straight forward. Lots of times the audience is left waiting for the main characters to uncover answers that are already pretty clear to us.

Also a large problem with the story is that it's not very logical. I'm not referring to the concept that Pharmaceutical companies are corrupt, cause they obviously are. It's that these large corporations would feel so threatened by the characters in the movie. It's pretty absurd to believe that Billion Dollar corporations would resort to murdering people, like a village doctor, or lowly diplomat, when all they really have to do is discredit them. Especially a character like the one played by Rachel Weisz, who is presented early on as pretty unstable. There is also the plot point that the companies would resort to secret testing and covering up of victims deaths. It's just not realistic, Pharmaceutical corporations don't need to be secretive and hide their mistakes. They have the built in excuse that what they do, however dangerous, is done in the interest of research and development. There are also plenty of desperate sickly people out there who are willing to be test subjects for a chance at good health. There's no need to use unwilling, unknowing test subjects. And the idea that they would secretly bury victims in order to hide the truth just isn't plausible. In an age of spies and technology the idea that rival corporations wouldn't find out about such damaging information, especially when they have so much to gain from such information is just not realistic.

The conspiracy is obviously just a slick device for the author to tell a story. It just doesn't hold up under closer consideration.

The movie does have some strong points, mostly involving Merrielles direction.The movie benefits from him bringing a third world perspective to the film, and he does do a good job of setting up a paranoid environment. Lots of the images, especially the stuff done in Kenya is stunning to witness. The movie is also structured in an interesting way, switching back and forth between tragic love story, and mystery thriller. Merrielles almost carries it off but the material in the end fails him.

One even gets the sense that while watching the movie that he was a hired gun that is over qualified for the material. It's not surprising that Mike Newell, who turned it down for Harry Potter, was originally slated to direct. The story doesn't feel like something close to Merrielles heart. But he does a nice, solid job, and I think a lot of the buzz surrounding the film is a direct result of his involvement.

Although I found the movie disappointing, I don't think it diminishes my view of Merrielles abilities, and I'm looking forward to more of his work.

Hopefully something closer to his heart.

Hustle & Flow

The story of the Urban Black gangster trying to live the American dream has been told many times before on film. Often times with preachy, ineffective results. Mostly the result of sloppy storytelling by rap artists and their collaborators using their music video experience to tell their version of the movie Scarface. The reality is most of these rap artists have no business acting, much less making a full length feature film.

So it's surprising that John Singleton of all people, who ushered the genre in with his movie Boyz n the Hood and then practically destroyed it with movies like Baby Boy, would take a chance and produce a movie like Hustle & Flow, especially when there seems to be no demand for this type of story in Hollywood.

Surprise, surprise.

Hustle & Flow turns our expectations on it's head, and delivers a compelling, audience friendly story of a pimp turned Rap artist trying to find a way to live the Dream after a mid-life crisis-re-evaluation of his life.

What's unique about the story is that lots of the movie's energy isn't spent on trying to make the audience like the characters, or demonstrate how cool and slick the characters are. The fact is they aren't cool, slick, smart, or even likeable. But for some reason it's enough that Terrence Howard's character DJay is a human being, who happens to have a dream...... just like all of us.

Where the movie succeeds is in it's story of the underdog, it's in the package of an Urban gangster rap film, but it's still the Rocky story. The locale and the people are probably unfamiliar to most of us, but we all can relate to being the underdog.

What's also great about the film is that it doesn't judge the characters, or try to explain or sympathize with how they ended up in this position. It's more concerned with showing the many stumbling blocks, and obstacles in the way for someone who wishes to achieve their dream. Most people aren't born with opportunities, they are made, and worked for with blood, sweat, tears, and no guarantees.

It's an impressive debut for writer/director Craig Brewer. He tells the story with a confident, patient, and steady hand. He doesn't resort to music video tricks or slick camera angles which was probably tempting, considering the material. (The movie was distributed by MTV for God's sake.) What's also impressive was that he was able to coax solid dramatic performances from usual comedic hams Anthony Anderson and Dj Qualls, as the potential music producer and his musician.

The movie even takes a swipe at the genre it's playing in. The character of Skinny Black played by Ludacris is everything that the movie is fighting against. The image of the character is of a spoiled, tough talking, uneducated, so called rapper from the street, who's gotten lucky and now considers himself an artist. He also happens to be the character DJay's only door into the world he wants to inhabit. Even though he despises what the guy represents, he knows that he's one of the few way's in. As in life, the gatekeeper of this world is an idiot.

The breakout star of the movie is Terrence Howard. It's a good, solid performance. But although I enjoyed his portrayal, there does seem to be an awkward sense of performance. At times I felt he was trying to channel the spirit of Benecio Del Toro with mixed results. It's also not surprising that he had no first hand experience with rap music. Which he apparently had to learn on the set. Unfortunately......though understandably, he doesn't seem entirely comfortable with the music form. Which may have been a character choice, but it's not clear.

But, on the other hand, I admire Brewer's desire to go with a classically trained actor instead of a rap artist turned actor. It gives the movie a feeling of legitimacy, and really pays off in the emotional scenes. and small intimate work with the other actors.

Overall, the movie also feels like the telling of a first act, instead of a complete story. As a result the ending feels a little rushed, and not as fulfilling as one would hope. At the same time the movie doesn't sell out, and thankfully the movie doesn't deliver an over the top Cinderella ending.

The movie is a surprise success. I found the movie enjoyable and fun. I'm sure less cynical people them me will even find the movie inspirational and crowd pleasing.

Check it out on Dvd January 10th.

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