Domino

As I picked up the box of this DVD, and examined the cover, the first thing that came to mind was this has the potential to be "fucking horrible."

I mean really freakin' lame.

I'd heard the buzz about the film, that it wasn't a real autobiography. Supposedly the movie is "inspired by true events"...... which means jack shit. The REAL Domino Harvey was a drug addict, and was an out and proud Lesbian but the film doesn't go into that. I'm not sure why not, that's pretty interesting stuff, but apparently that wasn't the kind of movie they wanted to make.

Bad sign.

Potentially another true story gang raped by Hollywood studio heads.

That's not the only thing that made me hesitant to watch the film. The fact is, I'm not a big fan of Keira Knightly. Excuse me, ACADEMY AWARD nominated actress Keira Knightly. (Sorry but that sounds freaking hilarious to me.) She's sort of cute and all, I thought she played a good extra in Star Wars:The Phantom Menace, she also kicked the ball pretty good in Bend it like Beckham, but she hasn't really done anything that's impressed me in a film yet, she's probably a good actress, I just haven't seen her in a role to showcase her talents. It's also been well documented that she's a shy little girl, and she used a body double for her sex scenes. So there wasn't even the nude scene curiosity factor going for the flick. To make things even worse, I'm not a big fan of the new "music video" type look that Tony Scott has been using in his recent films. I find it distracting and over stylized.

If all that wasn't enough, hanging over the entire film was the sad fact that the REAL Domino Harvey had passed away shortly before the film was released in theatres from a drug overdose...... which possibly looked like suicide.

Nice.

So if one does the math:

Shit + more shit+ even more shit= a fucking ridiculous amount of stupid shit, and a waste of fucking time.

But than I looked at the credits of the film, and I noticed that it's written by Richard Kelly. The same Richard Kelly of Donnie Darko fame, and the upcoming Southland Tales.

That's pretty cool.

I guess I'm also a little curious to see if Mickey Rourke shows up for this film. I'm hoping that Sin City marks the return to form for him, this movie could potentially solidify that position.

So I said what the hell. It can't possibly worse than Two for the Money or Dukes of Hazzard. It couldn't be as juvenile as Crash?

Right?

The story of the film is pretty simple. Domino Harvey daughter of actor Laurence Harvey was a model who became bored with life and became a bounty hunter.

So what the hell went wrong?

This movie is a complete mess. It's all over the place. It's crazy to watch cause half the time the viewer doesn't know what the hell they are watching. There's lots of quick edits, high speed camera tricks, bright colors and blurred images. It's all junk, cause it doesn't serve the story. Just a bunch of images thrown together to try and look cool.

I honestly think Tony Scott wanted to try, and make a companion piece to Terry Gilliam's movie Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

The problem is it doesn't make sense to the story. It's all style and no substance. It's a train wreck of a film that needs to be seen to be believed. But don't see it. Run away from it as fast as one can. Actually don't look at the DVD box, don't touch it, don't even think about not renting it. In fact, don't rent any movies starting with the letter D.

Just to be safe.

As far as the acting, Keira Knightly is completely miscast. She has no business carrying a gun, smoking a cigarette, acting tough, or mean.At one point she tries to act sexy and do a lap dance.

Big mistake.

Nothing she does in the movie rings true. It's a nice try though, but this is the big leagues, one doesn't get points for effort.

As far, as Mickey Rourke, he shows up.....but when one shows up and the party is over or actually hasn't even started and looks like it'll never start, there's really no point.

Then there's Brian Austin Green, and Ian Ziering. That's right, the guys from Beverly Hills 90210. They play themselves in the film. Actually, they play themselves as crying, wimpy bitches. It's supposed to be funny, but the only thing it does is make one feel bad that they've sunk so low.

Tom Waits shows up too. For no good reason. He's just driving by..... in the desert. He says some silly shit, then gives the main characters a ride.....to Vegas. Weird.

Why Tom WHY?!!!! I love Tom Waits.

Dabney Coleman is in this fucker too, and T.K. Carter from Punky Brewster. Macy Gray um....yeah....needless to say it's a strange cast. I don't know what the makers of this film were thinking making this mess. It's like a crack addict made this movie. The one Dave Chappelle plays on his t.v. Show. It's like the guy in charge was high on acid, and he just started throwing out silly ideas, and the creative team listened, and tried to awkwardly make everything work. It's like the movie U-Turn raped a Fellini film, and this was the aborted fetus left over from that unholy union.

If this all sounds bizarre.....that's because it is. I couldn't believe what I was watching. I hope that I don't make the movie sound interesting because it isn't, it's just bad. Really bad. Fucking Horrible. Embarrassing and ridiculous.

I feel shitty for writing this. I like Tony Scott's movies: Crimson Tide, True Romance, Top Gun.

All fun.

This movie though....wow.....piece of shit.

The writing? Let's just say I'm really worried about Southland Tales. Seriously worried. I don't' know where to begin. So I won't, just take my word for it. This movie sucks...in every way. The characters are absurd, the plot is confusing and ridiculous. The structure....what little of it there is, flies all over the place. It's like a really bad imitation of a movie TRYING to be a Tarantino rip off. It's not even good enough to be called a Q.T. rip off.

I'm done.

This movie doesn't deserve the effort I'm spending to write about it. Seriously. Horrible.

When I watch movies like this, I start to question why I even watch movies. Seriously. I just wasted two hours of my life. I should've stopped watching, but I don't give up on movies. I wait it out to the bitter end. To think I could have spent those last two hours channel surfing, watching porn, or rearranging my sock drawer. What a friggin waste.

Domino arrives on DVD Tuesday. Pray to god to turn you into a bird, so that you can fly far...far...far away from it.