Thoughts on 78th Annual Academy Awards

I usually work on Oscar night. Surprisingly this year I was off.

Unfortunately.

Wow.....what a piece of crap that show was.

To be honest I don't know how to judge awards shows. For one thing they are a complete joke. There's an illusion that these shows are a competition, but the reality is that it's just a popularity contest. Sort of like the recognition people receive in their High School Yearbook. Like cutest couple or best eyes, class clown and stuff like that.

A real competition is a head to head contest that usually has the superior performance recognized at the end. The truth is the only way to have an accurate artistic competition is to have artists audition for the same parts or same technical jobs with the same challenges.

That doesn't happen at the Academy Awards. Not even close.

In all honesty, I don't think people would want to watch something like that. If that was the case Star Search would still be on the air. Like I said earlier people enjoy the ILLUSION of a competition. Which is what an awards show is.

In a perfect world though, the Oscars would recognize the most MEMORABLE performances of the year. Performances that proudly represents the caliber of excellent work done in that year.

But very rarely is the Academy able to get even THAT right.

The Academy uses a different criteria for giving awards. They usually choose the flashiest, most shamefully pretentious, obnoxious film with a mildly....I stress mildly, realistic political or social commentary to win the awards.

It also helps if the film features a retard.

Not necessarily a person with a mental or physical handicap. It could be a person who's a social retard or a religious and/or political retard. Basically a stupid, backward, somewhat likeable dumbass who becomes enlightened through the course of a 3 hour film then becomes relatively socially effective, acceptable and redeemable. That's the kind of film the Academy loves.

I don't know why that is the case. If I had to guess maybe because it gives the voter's hope that one day they too can become relatively normal, productive members of society.

The fact is the Academy always seems to recognize the most mediocre of work. Believe me I know, I work at a DVD store that allows trade-in's.

The used room at my job is full of award winning impulse buys.

We have tons of best picture winning films like Million dollar Baby, Beautiful Mind, American Beauty, Forrest Gump, and Gladiator sitting in that room collecting dust. Meanwhile I rarely see trade-in's of the superior films that didn't win like Pulp Fiction, The Insider, Raging Bull or The Aviator. When I do see those trade-ins, I find that the person is trading in their WHOLE collection and is desperate to pay off their rent.....or their bookie.

So when I watch the Academy awards I don't usually have high set of standards. But this year was especially pathetic.

Let me just start with the good stuff.

I thought Ben Stiller, in his green suit was HILARIOUS! I still giggle thinking about his bit. I also liked Will Ferrel and Steve Carrell's horrible make-up bit.

I liked the fake award season promos, that was funny stuff.

I also liked George Clooney's acceptance speech, as well as Phillip Seymour Hoffman's and......

That's about it.... as far as the good stuff.

I thought the show was pretty boring, tedious stuff. Nothing particularly memorable happened. Jon Stewart was affable, he had some funny jokes but they were safe....too safe. He might as well have been hosting Hollywood Squares.

Watching Lauren Bacall introduce the Film Noir tribute was painful....just torturous to watch. I felt so bad for her that I walked out of the room covering my ears. I don't know why they didn't just write her damn speech down on a piece of paper for her.

I guess the ladies looked pretty in their prom dresses. Nothing sexy though, all safe and family friendly.

The award winners and people presenting all seemed like robots to me. No emotions, no personality. No nothing. I wouldn't be surprised if they were all CGI with Rich Little doing vocal impressions.

But nothing...I repeat nothing compares to seeing CRASH win the Oscar for best picture......wow.

My brain is unable to comprehend the idea of this stupid movie representing the best and brightest of this year's crop of films for future generations.

Best Picture winner CRASH.

It just sounds ridiculous....like a bad punch-line to a stupid joke. It's probably the worst, most ignorant movie ever to win the Oscar for Best Picture....ever.....and I witnessed it....unfortunately.

For the record I'm predicting that I'm going to have to clear out a whole shelf for this movie in the used room.

What a waste. What a joke.

Embarrassing.